Aug21: I was stupid enough to agree into something that I kept "hidden" for so long. His name was Karl Glenn. Friend of Anki. It was weird. It happened as I imagined it would. But I still felt empty after that. Why wouldn't I? We've only been under one roof for 25 hours then 43 hours. He has a girlfriend. I dunno what's gotten into me. I was aware of what's happening but still I went with the flow. Not a good move.

"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."

This week is so hectic. Since ate Djen left for her vacation, I was made to do all the receipts, and I was behind to start of. Judy also went to Korea so I also did the encoding. At first it felt good to that I was needed. But everyday, I felt the increasing pressure. Saturday, uncle asked a favor for me to watch the store. I asked Ms. Val if I can use my daytrade but since its a weekend, I wasnt allowed.

Basta, to sum it up, hindi nila na-appreciate. And then I went to Molino yesterday, I witnessed how into Anki is with his girlfriend. And when I was about to go home, hindi niya ako hinatid sa kanto.

I had a  call earlier from Tsukiko Kesel, a Japanese, my gosh, I was on the phone for more than one hour! But I was so touched..

After I read Amy Tan's Hundreed Secret Senses, I was so depressed. Mixed emotions actually. I wanna cry, laugh..

July 2, I had 2 shifts.. 12mn for SPQ then 7:45pm that night for my first Service Queue shift.

No one loves me. No one notices me. No one is interested and will ever be interested in me.

• Paul Binondo - wouldn't even acknowledge my presence. During the rave party, I even danced in front of him (embarrassing, just thinking about it) but to no luck, he didn't even make an attempt to dance with me. He'd dance by himself and looking busy observing his surrounding, even though I'm right in front!!!
• Ellie from HBUS - at the floor, our eyes would meet, no biggie. During the rave party, due to alcohol's influence I went straight to him and asked where Ms Abby was, he just shrugged and no further questions from him, so I decided to back off. After the party, we (Virgil, Shem, Ces, Gene, Niz, Cathz) went to expressway and ate. Ana from tranche 8 called Shem and invited him over for more drinks, we 'tailed'. Ellie was there, he didn't even try to make friends with me knowing that we had a common friend. Ops-men owned the house, all of them were in-to Maessie and the other girl.. Bitter!
• No one.. No one.. No one.. No one!!!!

Others..

• I need money for Vincent, Vanessa, Nina, my parents and myself
• I want to.. shit! I have a lot of plans that can't even come true.. Won't come true.. Will never.. I can't even construct something coherent!

Have you ever been in a situation wherein the guy you've had a crush on for 6 months is lying next to you yet you have to control yourself *can't kiss him*? And even if you were given enough courage to make the first move, still you know that nothing will happen coz' he sees you only as his friend? Jeez. I was in that situation just 5 hours ago. I was on my way home feeling so empty. I wanted to cry but no tears fell. So empty.

!^~ mla ~^!

Actually I forgot those dates.. basta Niz and I went to Batangas on Thursday off last week. Week before that, Miss Sheila, Ces, James, Cath and HSBC Diving team went to Calatagan. Derrick introduced us to the diving tank. 'twas cool. What else? I'll just be jotting down the summary. Last night, Cath Z and O, Ces, Virg and I went to Malate and nagclub! Hehe..

I'm in no mood for any Eric these days.

Sunday last week, team Sheila and Jane went to Pansol, Laguna for a joint team building. I wasn't able to get any sleep that day, so I was awake for more than 30 hours.. Well, make that 48 hours coz' as soon as we arrived, they went out to buy foods and drinks and as soon as those were set on the table, we went swimming and enjoyed the night. Last men standing were me, Ron and Lem but I left both guys around midnight to get some rest. I woke up at 5am and Virgil was already outside smoking. We talked casually then he was doing things that looked like we were an item. I didn't stop him coz' I was observing what he was up to. 2 nights ago, Ces, Virg and I went to Coffenista (second time) and slept at Ces' afterwards. That's where everything happened. My life became a mess. Shit!

2 nights ago:

Lakhu brought me to Starbucks.. and he confronted me with everything that has happened.. Buhuhu..

Today is December 23, 2:00pm.. I'm confused with the dates!

So.. December 21, Thursday, Team Sheila was supposed to have a team building/ Christmas party. After our shift, we played the DW adhoc for the that day and that was to play Lucky9 against Ms. Shei. We exchanged gifts afterwards and went to ATC for our lunch at Gerry's. We were to have more drinks at Centerstage (Southmall) but plans had changed at the last minute. We went to ATC's parking lot and vavoom... Tagaytay! I had fun, swear.. It was an amazing experience especially coz' it was an unexpected outing and the place was worth the ride. Starbucks was our one-stop. Ms. Shei treated us Ces, Cath Z, Em and Virg. From 6 to 8, we just filled our tummies with air; laughter. On our way home, we got lost.. nice joyride!

Supposedly, I'm in Anilao at the moment but plans were again changed and I ended up spending my night last night with Ces, Cath O and Eric. Our original plan was to go to Malate. Unfortunately, we met up at around 1am. So we went to BF and had an Obsession and few bottles of beers at Monterey. Regardless of its meatshop name, the place is cool.. And then we slept at Eric's.